Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Celebrating small victories & moving on

I felt it was time to post some small victories that have been taking place in my life. 

As most of you know I am almost hitting my 2 year post radical hysterectomy for Endometriosis and I haven't taken any HRT to date and I was a mess for most of this time period. (See prior update here)

As of today I am almost 100% drug free (sleeping pill being the last) and I have barely touched a glass of wine in over a month as well. I really feel accomplished and happy that I decided to come off all of it.  I decided to take the risk of dealing with the Fibromyalgia pain without medication and have been actively meditating since October 2015 to help cope with anxiety and major depression. 

I know everyone's journey is so different on all levels as well as how you feel post hysterectomy and I really feel for me that for some reason my body was allergic to my own hormones. Mentally they really messed me up including migraines for over 15 yrs, depression, anxiety, acne, up and down moods, and constant craving for carbs. I feel as though I have definitely improved in this area but it wasn't easy as I struggled for the last 2 yrs post op just trying to survive. It was a horrible ride and I really don't know if it is completely over but I am moving ahead with my life if it is or not. 

I have realized that Endometriosis controlled 15 yrs of my life due to delayed diagnoses and after my first surgery in 2007 it completely took hold of my every thought and move. I spent the last 4 yrs on-line everyday on various social media outlets as well as Medhelp 24/7 and I have come to the conclusion that if I continue to live my life this way I am actually going to miss life in general and I have come too far to let "THIS" be my life on earth.  

I let this disease control my life and I have decided that after the Endo March in Canada May 7th, I will no longer be as active about raising awareness online. I am going to keep up my blog because for me this is my outlet and some people want to hear from me but basically this is it (Maybe I will start a new one with fun things?). I can't keep draining my own soul in order to do for others and I have been running on empty now for the entire 4 yrs I have actively been raising awareness. 

I didn't come to this conclusion overnight it has been a long time coming. I love all the people I have met over the years and I love that there are so many more advocates out there now more than ever but it is time for me to step down and finally move on. I realized how permanent I need to make this because for the last 9 yrs I have not made a video for my daughter. I used to make them all the time. Her first time riding a bike, singing, parties, etc. I have totally not mentally been there for my own child and this is not okay. All she has known is Endometriosis and I don't want that to be what she remembers when I am gone. 

So I thank everyone who has made a difference in my journey, who has educated me, who has been there for me in the late/early hours when I wanted to give up and end it all. You all have helped make me into the person I am right now and I will take all this with me as I move onto the next chapter of my life...

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