Celebrating small victories & moving on

I felt it was time to post some small victories that have been taking place in my life. 

As most of you know I am almost hitting my 2 year post radical hysterectomy for Endometriosis and I haven't taken any HRT to date and I was a mess for most of this time period. (See prior update here)

As of today I am almost 100% drug free (sleeping pill being the last) and I have barely touched a glass of wine in over a month as well. I really feel accomplished and happy that I decided to come off all of it.  I decided to take the risk of dealing with the Fibromyalgia pain without medication and have been actively meditating since October 2015 to help cope with anxiety and major depression. 

I know everyone's journey is so different on all levels as well as how you feel post hysterectomy and I really feel for me that for some reason my body was allergic to my own hormones. Mentally they really messed me up including migraines for over 15 yrs, depression, anxiety, acne, up and down moods, and constant craving for carbs. I feel as though I have definitely improved in this area but it wasn't easy as I struggled for the last 2 yrs post op just trying to survive. It was a horrible ride and I really don't know if it is completely over but I am moving ahead with my life if it is or not. 

I have realized that Endometriosis controlled 15 yrs of my life due to delayed diagnoses and after my first surgery in 2007 it completely took hold of my every thought and move. I spent the last 4 yrs on-line everyday on various social media outlets as well as Medhelp 24/7 and I have come to the conclusion that if I continue to live my life this way I am actually going to miss life in general and I have come too far to let "THIS" be my life on earth.  

I let this disease control my life and I have decided that after the Endo March in Canada May 7th, I will no longer be as active about raising awareness online. I am going to keep up my blog because for me this is my outlet and some people want to hear from me but basically this is it (Maybe I will start a new one with fun things?). I can't keep draining my own soul in order to do for others and I have been running on empty now for the entire 4 yrs I have actively been raising awareness. 

I didn't come to this conclusion overnight it has been a long time coming. I love all the people I have met over the years and I love that there are so many more advocates out there now more than ever but it is time for me to step down and finally move on. I realized how permanent I need to make this because for the last 9 yrs I have not made a video for my daughter. I used to make them all the time. Her first time riding a bike, singing, parties, etc. I have totally not mentally been there for my own child and this is not okay. All she has known is Endometriosis and I don't want that to be what she remembers when I am gone. 

So I thank everyone who has made a difference in my journey, who has educated me, who has been there for me in the late/early hours when I wanted to give up and end it all. You all have helped make me into the person I am right now and I will take all this with me as I move onto the next chapter of my life...

#WonderWoman #Chronicpain #spoonie #female

I consider myself a very powerful female in a society that still sees women as the weaker sex,  housewives, baby makers and also very submissive. It is hard to voice your opinion being a female in a man's world. Women have had to overcome many obstacles for the generations next to come and I thank all the women before me that have helped push equal rights for women. Yes we have come a long way but after watching "THE UNTOLD STORY OF AMERICAN SUPER HEROINES" as well as " MISS REPRESENTATION" I realize that women may always be seen as sex figures with no power. 

I am saddened to see this as I am a type of person who questions everything and I believe in justice. I wouldn't say I am too opinionated about much however growing up in a home where women were view less equal only made me stronger and gave me the power within to make change. I am one person however though social media I have been lucky enough to find so many powerful women out there that I am proud to call friends. The reality is that women are the stronger sex and it scares men. I think sometimes Women's lib started to build a generation of lazy men who sit at home and expect the women to be the parent, the wife, the friend, the bread winner etc. It isn't like we are making more money but more jobs are opened to females now than before so I feel that men have taken a back seat and to me this is scary. I believe in equality and I believe the best person gets the job not the colour of your skin, religion, sex etc. The best gets the job but that isn't happening anymore and I truly believe women are so worn down by having to work so hard when the generations before women stayed home. 

Me being a chronic pain sufferer as much as I hate the notion of being the woman who stays home I would gladly take that option right now as I know even doing this I can still be empowered as I have a husband who knows the power of my soul and he knows I can't be stopped. I think who you are married to and who you are friends with definitely play a key role on how to live the life of a true life "super-heroine" 

I can see my traits in my daughter and I know it will help her but also hinder her in her future. My daughter is a lot like me which in turn could be a good thing but it also can be a bad thing. I let her dream big and I don't shatter her dreams like mine were as a child. She tells me she wants to be a designer of gymnastics apparel and you know what, I can see it happening and even if I didn't why destroy a dream that seems so real to her? She has the power to be anyone she wants to and I know that she will do it well. 

Sometimes having this power brings on depression, which it has for me but I suppose a lot of that has to do with medical issues my entire life as well as rejection. I have had to fight for everything I have in my life including my health and I am tired as I have done 80% of it alone. Sometimes being a Super-heroine is so tiring and at times you feel like you should dumb yourself down to please others.. But I will never do that. 

I don't see the strong person in me that other people see but I must be if a lot of people say that. I have been through hell and back and I am here ready for the next door to open. 

To all my Super-Heroine women I have had the pleasure to know in my life I thank you for showing me how strong you are as it helps me to continue this fight. You are all amazing and I am in awe of how amazing and strong you are. :)