Wednesday, April 29, 2015

A Nightmare called Menopause

Just when I think things are starting to look up or at least level out I am hit with one disaster after another. After my surgery in May 2014 I had very little side effects of surgical menopause until August and since then things progressively got worse. I am still not on HRT because I can't determine what is causing what I am feeling. I don't know what to call these hot flashes other than temporary demonic possession of my upper body.

Besides the nightmare of Hot Flashes I have noticed many changes such as the elasticity of my skin all over my body has become more loose and saggy, I have gained about 10-15 lbs in a year but I am not sure if all of that is Menopause related or pain meds, Anti-depressants or wine. I started to get aging spots, if I had them before  I never noticed them before but now I do more so than ever. My breasts have gone up a size and that could be due to weight but I noticed my bra was not feeling comfortable at all before my surgery last year so it may have nothing to do with either. I have realized that my memory has turned to mush and I remember nothing. I used to be good remember numbers, names, even places where I parked.. I forget things so quickly it is scary.

I noticed that I have not had one cold sore, not one headache or migraine at all and that my head (mental stability) was clear and the only reason I am on Cymbalta is for the body & nerve pain from Fibro and major anxiety/panic. It sucks thought because Cymbalta has messed with my head a bit and wished that I could just be able to take something for the pain rather than my head but it seems this is how it works doesn't it? One med will help one problem but causes a flood of symptoms and its almost best coming off them...but then you do and its 1000x worse because you have forgotten the smaller things that it was helping but didn't notice.

Urinary symptoms have stayed the same however Cymbalta helps with the urethral/bladder spasms but I still feel something heavy pushing down like something is going to come out of my vagina. It is frustrating.

I still have yet to go on HRT as I am still crazy confused but I have decided I am going to ask for the patch to see if it helps a little with these flashes so I am crossing my fingers it helps.

I sit back and wonder how long I can take these symptoms for and although my surgery was for mental closure I really thought I could handle the side effects of Menopause with all that I have been through. Taking both my ovaries wasn't an easy decision and in the end I decided to side with my surgeon due to the fact I didn't want to have pain from the remaining ovary that was salvageable turn on me since that was the ovary that had the endometrioma in it and gave me the worse troubles as it would always stick to my bowels.  So a year later almost and here I am not sure what the right choice is/was. I still feel confused. I have no Endo pain so I should be happy but the side effects and hot flashes have really done a number on me for the last 6 months and this is why I wanted to document my journey because seriously you can say you are fine after surgery, a year later or even 5 yrs but I want to know 10 yrs from now how I am going to be so I can share. I can only hope this does not continue on for 10 yrs or more because I know mentally I could not handle it.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Inspirational people, moments and pictures in my life 2015

There are so many things that have happened to me from 2014-2015 and even though it has been the toughest two years of my life I know there were so many good moments even if they were small, many small memories made a huge impact for me and helped keep me sane.

Many of the women in these pictures have shown me the reason of "strong" and I don't mean that regular talk of someone being strong... I mean the strongest women I have ever come across in my life. They have been through so much yet they still are standing when they could easily give up.

I am obviously very proud of the TENC because not many people realize that we have no funding and there is only a small tiny group that pulled it off through all the ups and downs. I am so proud to be apart of it and to be able to make a difference each year. One day I truly see us with thousands of men and women standing and finally being heard..

From this point on many more moments will be captured and I can't wait to share them with everyone.