Thursday, August 18, 2016

My light was meant to shine

For as long as I can remember I have suffered a lot of trauma and not just with Endometriosis. It took decades for me to find my voice and during that entire time I had so much resistance from others around me. When I would talk people about Endometriosis or Fibromyalgia to people (including family and friends) they would either look in a different direction or changed the subject on me, and sometimes in mid sentence. They would feel so uncomfortable with me talking about it that it made me feel like there was something wrong with me and that I was alone in a dark place all by myself left to tackle these diseases in silence. 

 Then there were others that used my voice to their advantage to better themselves and take the credit for the hard work that I had accomplished. 

Let's just say that for the last 6 months I shut down completely because I truly felt that I did not have any support whatsoever... Well that is not exactly the truth. I have had some really true genuine friends that have battled along side me through thick and thin and I am forever indebted to them. 

I think it hurts a lot because the people that did this to me were family and close friends I have known a good portion of my life. I have one friend in particular who I have felt distant from and it is only getting worse. It is almost like the friendship is not there anymore and maybe it isn't. Maybe I know that I need to move on from these people that could care less about my physical and mental well being. 

I stopped all my advocacy work because I lost my voice again due to compromising my own heart and soul to make others feel comfortable. I allowed this. I don't even know how because I never thought that there would have been a day that I stopped spreading awareness about Endometriosis. It is in my blood and this is my purpose in life, this IS what I am called to do. 

 I have learned a lot in 2 yrs and what I know is that I am a light to others and a voice to those who are silenced just the way I was. I can't let those people down. I know my purpose is to help them and if any of you see my light dim, please talk to me and remind me why I do this.