Sunday, July 6, 2014

Depression, Panic, Suicidal thoughts and Anxiety

Well its been 8 weeks already since my surgery but I have not been mentally prepared to write a blog post to update or take in what happened.  I can't believe that it has taken me this long. I feel all over the place and I am not sure if it is from the hysterectomy, the meds or just in general not having a job but I am in constant panic mode with extreme anxiety. 

Last week I ended up taking myself to the hospital because I was having so many thoughts of slitting my wrists. I have had suicidal thoughts in the past but nothing like this. I wanted to cut my entire body and kept contemplating on where and when. I had enough and I needed to find out some answers. 

Before going in to have the hysterectomy I already suffered from Complex PTSD, Major Depression and anxiety so I expected for some of this to happen since I am already prone to the mental aspect but to this degree I didn't. 

Every time I went to my doctors to tell her it was getting worse she would just up the prozac and I am pretty sure the suicidal thoughts were from that rather than the hormones. So at the hospital the on call Dr. gave me Seroquel and told me to lower the prozac to 20mg and I have and thank God the panic has gone since taking it. I don't even have to take it if I am not having one and so that is good. I used it the first week then barely any time since. Has anyone had this reaction to Prozac before?

People sometimes will never understand the pain and suffering Chronic pain people go through and its more the mental aspect for me than the pain. I have been sick for almost 25 yrs and that on its own is depressing. Every day I wake up and I am the same, no quote on earth could make me believe that things will get better but I have no choice but to make myself believe it and to get busy living.

My heart goes out to every spoonie going through so much, we certainly are a strong band of brothers and sisters. 

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