Monday, November 11, 2013

Don't Touch Me! #Endometriosis #exams #TVUS

At the age of 13 was the first time I had experienced a trans-vaginal ultrasound and boy did it even hurt back then. There were no cysts found and the left side hurt a lot when she did the exam and she said that it was possibly Endometriosis but did nothing again for it just gave me some meds to take.

From that day forward I have been subjected to so many Physical exams either by hand or by machine, vaginally and rectally. I even got lucky to have most of them done twice at one time because of interns and because they need to train and what better person to train on than me right? UGH

I approached my last exam recently which happened to be a leep. It wasn't so much that I was afraid of what they were going to do but I really started to get severe anxiety about someone touching me down there period. I started to panic and in the waiting room a lady looked at me and said "are you okay? You seem to really nervous." It was then that I realized that I am done. I want people to stop touching me period. I don't want another pelvic/vaginal/rectal exam I want to be left alone almost to the point that I am probably not going to go see a doctor again because I am that done.

I have had every exam in the book from the time I was 13 to 36 yrs old and all of you who not only suffer with just Endometriosis can totally understand this. If it wasn't the painful sex it was yeast infections, cysts, Endometriosis, PID, High grade lesions on the cervix, rectal pain, bladder pain etc. How many times can someone be subjected to this? I feel so completely violated that I can barely stand my husband to even touch me. I hate it. I want no one to go near me.

It's sad when you think about what this disease has done to us because its not only the physical pain but its also what it does to us mentally. This disease has stolen my life and I want my life back but how? Is that even possible at this point?  

No comments:

Post a Comment