Thursday, April 24, 2014

Keeping it real Thursday :)


I have to say I have spent years feeling sorry for myself as I felt no one cared about or understood what I was going through. I blamed my parents for not protecting me, my jobs for the added stress that tore apart my body and anyone who came into my path that felt I could be used as their punching bag. 

It is not like I have had an epiphany or anything because I have tried to work on "ME" but still focusing on others that have hurt me. I have a hard time letting go of the pain because it doesn't seem to stop. 

I decided 2 yrs ago that no one would steal my joy ever again. That I would stand up for myself and would not be bullied or victimized because of who I am. I am an amazing human being and loving myself is one of the most difficult things that I have ever had to do. 

I am that much closer to finding my inner child and starting over. I don't want to live my life the way I have in self pity, it is not worth it and it has stolen 24 yrs of my life and now is the time I step up and be the person I have been called to be. I don't know what exactly my purpose in life is but I know there is one its just a matter of me being still, listening and waiting for that door to open to show me what I have missed for all of these years and what I can offer this world. 

I quit smoking over 2 weeks ago and I don't plan to go back and I am focusing on my mind, body and soul and plan to learn more about Buddhism to learn inner peace. My radical hysterectomy is in 15 days. My life will forever change on that day. It is closure for me mentally and I am going to not look back at what Endometriosis has done to my life. I am a survivor, a warrior and a lifetime advocate for this disease but I can't let it control me the way it has especially the last 5 yrs of my life.  I let this disease control my thoughts, the medication control my life and the mental aspects to destroy who I am as a person. 

I love all the endosisters I have met throughout the last 2 yrs it has made me realize that I need to stand up and move on with my life and not dwell on the pain or past. I need to take baby steps and move forward in pain or not and just live. 

xoxoxox

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Will this give me the closure I am looking for? #Endometriosis #hysterectomy


The time is drawing closer to my radical hysterectomy. I am nervous yet happy that this time has finally come and that I can finally have closure mentally. 

People ask me why I am having one if it doesn't cure Endometriosis and if you walked in my shoes you would understand why. So you have an idea of what I have been through we have to go back to the second period I got at age 13, that is when the pain started and when the visits to the doctors office started. 

By the time of diagnoses at 27 yrs old I had already seen over 40+ doctors and had every test known to man. During that time I was made to feel like a total idiot, failure, attention seeker, hypochondriac and in the end depression came in full blown and would stay with me until this day. I went through so much emotional trauma alone with no help from anyone and with no one understanding what I was going through. I wanted to die every day because I just couldn't take one more test, one more negative test when it was clear something was wrong. I had to take so much time off work for so many appointments and that meant not getting paid or being shunned because people couldn't understand that I needed to find out what was wrong. I was told to get over it and that nothing was wrong with me and those words cut like a knife. 

It took 14 yrs to diagnose and because of that the disease really took on a life of its own destroying major organs and I just have not been able to cope with this disease mentally because of what I was put through and what I am still going through just for people to understand this disease. Its tiring to explain and people still look at you like "Its just a period" RRRRRR!!!

So in order for me to be at peace with my mind and to not be put through any more tests and doctors I have chosen to remove it all. I want it all out. I am done with this disease and all my girlie parts. 

I know in the end it will not cure me but I will have one of the best surgeons doing this and removing the endo at the same time and this might be my only opportunity because Canada just does not have the surgeons here that can deal with this disease and this rat race that we all go through is just to much. 

I can only hope that mentally once this is done that I can find peace within my soul and not suffer mentally like I have and to have closure with everything that has happened because of this debilitating disease.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

The Toronto Endometriosis Symposium 2014



First off I just want to say this symposium rocked. The speakers were amazing and they all brought something to the table. I don't get to go the meetings in Toronto often but I was lucky enough to attend the 2012 symposium to meet a bunch of these amazing ladies that have done an amazing job at putting these together with very very limited funds. How they do it I don't know but I think Canada definitely needs more funding for this Network from the government as well as Endosisters all across Canada. If we want to be heard and make a difference this is the place to start.

My phone died so I am going to use some of the pics that Ten tweeted during the symposium so you can see who was there.


To start off the symposium we had Jan Silverman who I adore since the day I first heard her speak in 2012. For 20 yrs she worked as a Clinical Program Specialist - Infertility Support and Education Program at the
Women's College Hospital in Toronto in which was closed down in 2012 due to supposed budget cuts. Read more about her passions here

Just to have someone in the room has been around with block with Women who suffer with Endo or infertility is amazing. She has such heart and passion for what she does and the city of Toronto is so blessed to have her in their midsts. Her words are so clear "YOU ARE NOT ALONE ON THIS JOURNEY"


Next up was my favourite Endometriosis Advocate from the CEC Heather Guidone. Just her presence at the symposium was powerful. She has been advocating for over 20 yrs (If I am not mistaken) and is a support all throughout social media. She comes with so much information and insight that is was such a pleasure on its own to finally meet her yesterday. She discussed how everyone is effected not just the Endo patient and how Endometriosis is a public health crisis and at this day in age this should not still be happening. 


Next up was Dr. Wong a gynaecologist in Toronto he spoke about how to be specific with your pain when explaining it to your doctor (sharp, numbing, and where) and the journey through the doctors offices. One thing that I found that I completely did not agree with at all is that he said "We use Lupron to diagnose Endo at times" Big fail in my eyes. This is where Canada is lacking and it was quite apparent because this is the normal run around you get. He also said that all Endo sometimes can't be removed because some microscopic parts will regrow and I disagree with that as well as a good surgeon can see all Endo and knows what to look for. Don't get me wrong I don't think he is a bad surgeon however it shows that Canada has a long way to go in treating and treatment for Endometriosis patients. He did mention "A pelvic exam should not be painful" This is what I found funny because every single exam I have ever had hurt and why did no one pick up on this? During this time there was discussion about Medical Marijuana that you tell that Dr. Wong was not comfortable talking about it but the room of patients sure wanted to. 


Next up was Pamela Frank a Health Solution Specialist, a licensed Naturopathic Doctor, women's health & infertility expert. She discuss diet and what we eat such as Meat, Dairy PCB's in Fish, and dioxins being linked to Endometriosis through those foods and also how little research has been done with the Endometriosis diet.  She talked about how Telomerase was higher in women with Endo, something I will need to read up more on, how gluten has been associate with pain in women with Endo. She recommended a site called http://www.kidsafeseafood.org/



Next up was the guy everyone was waiting to see and to hear from Dr. Sinervo from the CEC in Georgia. He talked about Bowel Endo and how often it is mistaken for IBS making it more difficult for patients to get the right treatment done because unless the bowel is invaded with Endo otherwise a colonoscopy will show nothing and the patient is then labelled with the IBS title. He asked how many people were told they had IBS and almost everyone in the room put up their hands. He talked about how doctors need to start listening to their patients and showed some video's of Endo from the bowel being removed. There are limited doctors who excise Endo and that is the gold standard but there are only a limited amount that can actually do it and more need to be trained. 


Next up was Dr. Orbuch and although I have heard her name I didn't know much about her but I was completely and utterly fascinated by what she talked about. She discussed co-morbid/Co-existing conditions that go hand in hand with Endo including IBS, Vulvodynia, Lupus, Fibromyalgia, TMJ, Chronic Fatigue, Celiac Disease, Interstitial Cystitis. She talked about how younger patients endo are some times clear so can be often missed by an unskilled surgeon. She said that cauterized Endo does not grow back it means that it was never fully removed properly and that 50-86% of Endo patients also have IC. She talked about how low dose valium taken orally or vaginally can help with Endo and IC and also addressing Pelvic Floor dysfunction in all patients with Endo that are still in pain. 

I wish that she could have touched more on the PFD but time was limited. I will post back a link once I find it that she gave me in regards to the co-existing disease as I know I read it somewhere. 


Next up was Tara McKee who is a Sex educator/counsellor, workshop facilitator & psychotherapist. Gestalt Therapy trained and has her own private practice. She talked about how sex doesn't have to mean full penetration and it could be oral, touching, massaging etc. Many women who have Endo suffer with pain sexually even when climaxing so she gave different ideas on how to bring the "sexy time" back into a relationship. I thought she was great, made the room laugh and she made good points. 


My over all experience of the symposium was great. I am so happy that I could attend and for those who missed it I will post soon the You-tube link once they have it up. 

For me what I learned the most well more of because I do believe this is key is that every Endometriosis patient needs a group of doctors working for her such as a GP who is educated and understanding, a good Endo surgeon to excise the disease, Physiotherapy, Psychotherapy, sex therapy etc. There needs to be a united front involving patients like us because it is so hard to know what to do and how to avoid ending up in one medical room after another when it is completely necessary.  

Monday, March 17, 2014

My Period Is More Painful Than Cancer


I came across this story on Facebook about a girl named Nicole Malachi and didn't realize the connection with the Endo Warriors group. Not everyone is on Facebook so I felt it was important to share her story because there is a lot women who suffer and because we "Don't look sick" people push us away and tell us to suck it up and that it's only a period. She validates us as sufferers as she has experienced both Endo and cancer. It is a very good read and I hope it helps other people understand our pain is real and not exaggerated.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/my-health-story/my-period-is-more-painful-than-cancer/