Saturday, May 9, 2015

One Year Hysterversary

I have tried to write this post for the last couple of hours and I keep deleting and re-rewriting and nothing at all is coming to me and maybe that is how the last year of my life has been,,Dazed and confused but also like time has stayed still.

I think the best thing I can do for everyone that reads this is to be honest. I did this surgery for closure because of all the trauma I had been through suffering from this disease but what I feel I got is much worse than what I was going through in some way. I have no Endometriosis pain at all and I should be happy but I am not. The sudden loss of hormones really sent me for a loop as I didn't have a lot of hot flashes for the first six months so I thought I got lucky.. Well things changed and I have been suffering ever since.

My bladder is so much worse now than ever. I leak after I go to the bathroom and can't hold my urine in if I need to go. This surgery seems to have weakened my pelvic wall even more and it is very clear that I have pelvic floor dysfunction.

My bowels are all over he place. I feel like I am losing function of my bowels and can barely hold it in at times. The urge suddenly comes and I am literally running to the washroom or I am totally constipated.

My plan was to wait a year to start pelvic floor therapy and that is something that I am currently doing. My first appointment was mostly talking but she did do an internal to see how tight the pelvic wall was. She gave me a lot of techniques to help my bladder and bowel which I will share on another post and those have been pretty helpful. I think it will take a very long time and aggressive pelvic floor treatment in order for my bowels and bladder to regain proper function and for sex not to hurt. Unfortunately in Canada we don't have such places like Clear Passage and even if we did the prices are very expensive.  My goal will be to eventually get to a place like this but in the mean time I am going to stick to the techniques I have been shown and to continue pelvic floor therapy (until my benefits run out)

Mentally and physically I am a mess but I am coping the best I can under the circumstances. I sometimes regret the decision I made but then there are times I don't. It is like I traded in one problem for another but it is what this disease and it's treatment is about. You can't win.

My advice for others seeking a hysterectomy is to really think and research a lot before doing so because even after 5 yrs of me contemplating mine I was still not sure if I was making the right decision and I knew it would be a 50/50 chance of it helping me.

My story is like many others out there and I hope one day there will be a cure for Endometriosis, but until then I will continue to share my story, advocate and to take part in research studies because my daughter is 12 and has the same symptoms I had when I was her age and I refuse to let her go through what I have the last 25 yrs.

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