Thursday, April 24, 2014

Keeping it real Thursday :)

I have to say I have spent years feeling sorry for myself as I felt no one cared about or understood what I was going through. I blamed my parents for not protecting me, my jobs for the added stress that tore apart my body and anyone who came into my path that felt I could be used as their punching bag. 

It is not like I have had an epiphany or anything because I have tried to work on "ME" but still focusing on others that have hurt me. I have a hard time letting go of the pain because it doesn't seem to stop. 

I decided 2 yrs ago that no one would steal my joy ever again. That I would stand up for myself and would not be bullied or victimized because of who I am. I am an amazing human being and loving myself is one of the most difficult things that I have ever had to do. 

I am that much closer to finding my inner child and starting over. I don't want to live my life the way I have in self pity, it is not worth it and it has stolen 24 yrs of my life and now is the time I step up and be the person I have been called to be. I don't know what exactly my purpose in life is but I know there is one its just a matter of me being still, listening and waiting for that door to open to show me what I have missed for all of these years and what I can offer this world. 

I quit smoking over 2 weeks ago and I don't plan to go back and I am focusing on my mind, body and soul and plan to learn more about Buddhism to learn inner peace. My radical hysterectomy is in 15 days. My life will forever change on that day. It is closure for me mentally and I am going to not look back at what Endometriosis has done to my life. I am a survivor, a warrior and a lifetime advocate for this disease but I can't let it control me the way it has especially the last 5 yrs of my life.  I let this disease control my thoughts, the medication control my life and the mental aspects to destroy who I am as a person. 

I love all the endosisters I have met throughout the last 2 yrs it has made me realize that I need to stand up and move on with my life and not dwell on the pain or past. I need to take baby steps and move forward in pain or not and just live. 


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